Advanced search
Visit
7514
Last Updated: 2011/04/20
Summary of question
Does being good tempered with your spouse and children cause them to take advantage of such a thing?
question
Does being good tempered with your spouse and children, people and your students, and generally speaking forgiving others and being kind to others cause them to take advantage and take things for granted? How can one have a good temper, and at the same time, have glory and majesty in the eyes of others.
Concise answer

First: Islam teaches us to be good tempered with all people, including one's spouse, children, students, etc., because the Quran and the sayings of the Prophet's household have commanded us to be good-tempered with others.

Second: According to the teachings of the Ahlul-Bayt, while being good-tempered with others we must also be careful not to go beyond the limits in this regard, meaning that we must follow moderation in this deed, so that others would not take advantage of it. In other words, being good-tempered can only stop others from taking advantage when supplemented by asking for one's right. At the same time we must keep in mind that being harsh and having a bad temper differs from having glory and majesty , and we must tell these two attributes apart, and finally we should know and observe the limits of good-temper.

Detailed Answer

One of the great features of Islam is the moderation that is found in this religion in all fields; in economy, politics, society and associating with others.

Most people assume that being good-tempered, or as it said these days, having successful public relationships means to consider every other person as your friend, the same way some Christians promote their religion as the symbol of love and friendship and claim that one is not complete unless he possesses nothing but love and friendship; some Hindu religions also believe in the principle of pure love and friendship.

But one must say that: Love and friendship are necessary but not enough, to have a friendship that is based on reality and seeking the truth is needed, for it is this type of love that can prevent the misuse of others. Islam is a religion of love and friendship. The Quran mentions the prophet as " رحمةً للعالمین " (a mercy for all people).[1] The Quran also commands believers to treat people in a good way[2] and that if ignorant people offend them, to overlook their mistakes.[3] The friendship that the Quran approves of is not to act according to the other person's will and allow him to wish whatever he wants or to accept his wishes and endorse them, but rather Islam is always on the side of the truth in all issues; when associating with a spouse, students, children and etc.

Some ahadith that have mentioned the features of a believer, say: Among the features of a believer is that he accepts the truth from his enemy and he will not accept falsehood from his own friend.[4]

If one associates with others in the mentioned way, not only has he taken the path Islam has approved of but he will also stop others from taking advantage of him, because either the people we deal with have correct and justified expectations or they are associating with us to misuse us and take advantage and ask for things they do not deserve, in this situation when acting based on the truth and reality, they will not reach their wishes. For example, if someone wants to take advantage of your good temper and offend you or others or take away your rights, in this case you must stand up to him even if he is the closest person to you. Moreover, love is only true and deep when it benefits the beloved one and does them good, for in some situations being too kind and loving without considering the implications, can actually be betrayal.[5] In a hadith Imam Baqir says: " شر الآباء من دعاه البرّ الی الافراط " [6](The worst of fathers are those that go beyond limits when being kind to their children).

Of course none of this should allow any of us to justify our bad temper or ignorant behavior with others, instead one should strive to be good-tempered as much as he can and fulfill other's requests.

Therefore generally, having a moderate attitude along with a truth-seeking attitude is what is acceptable in Islam. There are ahadith that emphasize on being kind and friendly to people that one has authority over (like one's wife or children).[7]

In regard to treating the smaller ones, the fourth Imam says: "The rights of the smaller ones, is to have mercy on them when learning and overlooking their mistakes and covering up their faults, being kind to them and helping them.[8]

Generally, we must follow moderation in all fields. It is obvious that distinguishing the moderate path in different situations is not an easy task, to the extent that sometimes it requires consulting with learned scholars and benefitting from their opinions.



[1] Anbiya’:107.

[2] Baqarah:83.

[3] Furqan:63.

[4] Majlisi, Muhammad Taqi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 64, pg. 310.

[5] See: Motahhari, Morteza, Jazebeh va Dafe’eye Ali, pp. 10-13.

[6] Yaqubi, Ahmad bin Abi Yaqub bin Jafar bin Wahab, Tarikh al-Yaqubi, vol. 2, pg. 320, Beirut, Dar Sader, without date.

[7] Kuleini, Muhammad bin Yaqub, Kafi, vol. 4, pg. 11.

[8] " و اما حق الصغیر فرحمته و تثقیفه و تعلیمه و العفو عنه و الستر علیه و الرفق به و المعونة له "  

Question translations in other languages
Comments
Number of comments 0
Please enter the value
Example : Yourname@YourDomane.ext
Please enter the value
Please enter the value

Thematic Category

Random questions

  • Does committing some sins like suicide automatically entail entering Hell?
    7539 Theoretical 2010/09/04
    Some sins, due to their quality, leave no opportunity to repent and will lead their committers to the irreversible path of Hell, the same way falling from heights without employing a parachute or landing equipment will lead to the disintegration of the body or the same way falling ...
  • What are the conditions of divorce?
    9254 Laws and Jurisprudence 2012/01/11
    If you were interested in living with your husband, you should have made every effort to save the marriage. In fact, you could have done something to draw your in-laws' attention and make your husband love you. If you think you made every necessary effort, you should never think that ...
  • Whose saying is this: "Death is sweater to me than honey."
    7973 تاريخ کلام 2011/01/10
    This saying is widely ascribed to Qasim son of Imam Hasan Mujtaba (a.s.). It is said that when his beloved uncle, Imam Hussein (a.s.) asked him "My child, my nephew, tell me, how do you regard death and what do you think about getting killed?" He promptly answered: ...
  • What is Islam's viewpoint regarding reincarnation?
    14897 Traditional 2010/01/21
    A few centuries back in India a theory known as "reincarnation" was developed concerning the consecutive return of souls to this world after death. During the ages this theory was gradually taken into serious consideration by people all around the world and even became, for some, a part ...
  • Please explain the features the Quran mentions for an Imam.
    10893 Traditional 2012/01/17
    There are two types of Imamate (leadership of a society) mentioned in the Quran; First: “The Imams of light” who are the pious and righteous leaders and second: “The Imams of fire” who are the heads of Kufr (disbelief) and deviation. Many features have been mentioned ...
  • Was Hazrat Adam (P.B.U.H.) Black?
    35391 Exegesis 2006/11/25
                There are several interpretations in the Quran on the creation of man, which show that the creation of man had several stages, which were as follows:[1]  
  • Who was Salah al-Din Ayyubi? How did he become the champion of the wars against crusaders? What was his origin? Why and how did he destroy the Fatimid government?
    15602 تاريخ بزرگان 2015/08/04
    Salah al-Din Yusuf bin Ayyub who later became known as Salah al-Din Ayyubi, better known in the Western world as Saladin, is one of the most famous Muslim rulers and commanders in the Islamic middle centuries (or in the 12th century of the English calendar). He achieved ...
  • where did secularism or the belief in the separation of religious and civil affairs emerge from?
    7848 Modern 2008/11/19
    During the renascence Christian believers came to the realization that their religion, with all the shortcomings it had, could not meet the modern social and political needs; therefore, secularism took shape.Secularism can be considered as the legitimate child of western civilization since Christianity, having gotten distracted and intermingled with ...
  • What is sex change?
    8421 Laws and Jurisprudence 2012/08/23
    Although dictionaries do not provide a definition for "sex change", it means any change and transformation in a male, female or genderless in such a way that the current state is different from the previous one. Medically speaking, sex change is different from "genetic modification" ...
  • What kind of a book is "Mikyalul Makarim"?
    6926 شخصیت های شیعی 2014/01/20
    The book "Mikyalul Makarim fi Fawaed al-Dua Lil-Qaem" as the title of the book reads, has been authored regarding Mahdi, the Imam of Time (atf). This is one of the books written in Arabic in the fourth hegira century.[1] The book Mikyalul Makarim consists ...

Popular